So a little over a month since my last post but I’ve wanted to wait until now to tell you what I’ve been up to.
Firstly though I have come to realise the focus of this blog is not so much on my diagnosis of premature ovarian failure but more on the infertility it has caused.
Im not sure what I feel about my POF, I have no symptoms anymore since taking HRT (I’m on Elleste Duet which is the first brand I’ve tried and thankfully have no complaints) I guess it must be a lot more complex if you have a history of cancer in the family or you prefer a more natural route. As I am so young it was important for me to take HRT to reduce the risk of heart problems and osteoporosis. Plus my mum (diagnosed at 42) took HRT with no issues so I wasn’t fazed to try. I think if I was passed my child bearing years I would look at natural remedies but I’ve not even bloody started! So it’s important I get my eastrogen levels right now for when I go down the donor route which I will come onto next. For now I just go easy on coffee and alcohol, I have found that if I overindulge on either I tend to overheat! LOL
Ok onto the juicy bits. Since visiting the Fertilty Network expo back in November last year I have been a member of the Donor Conception Network. A yearly subscription is only around £40 which gives access to regular newsletters and information around donor conception, not just for people like myself who can’t conceive for health reasons but for gay couples and many women who have decided to become a solo mum for whatever reason.
So the wannabe solo mums, I’ve met now with a few at the various meet ups that the DCN put you in touch with based on your location and circumstances. I have attended a group in my area and a lunch with solo mums- Thinkers and tryers, and I’m telling you now, these are my girls! Like seriously all power to the amazing women who are attempting or thinking of going it alone. Don’t get me wrong all the women I’ve met and of course myself have not had it easy, its a huge dicision choosing the donor route and you are faced with so much to think about, is it the right choice? when is it the right time? and of course the financial burden paying for treatment and it not working. I for one do feel some resentment for not qualifying for any funding on the NHS but I’m over the angry stage and kind of just think, it is what it is and I’m not one to go down without a fight so determination has won and this is how its going to be.
It’s been great meeting other women from the DCN and has really helped to be able to talk to people who have the same worries and fears as me. Whatever our circumstances we all have the same questions and feelings we face every day in common such as; the cost of the procedures, drugs etc, what clinic to choose, what donor to choose, what do I tell people? what do I tell my child? Will I be enough support to my child as a solo parent? Am I being irresponsible?
I could really go on forever! I speak to a lot of women who just haven’t met the right partner and are in the thinking stages and I ask them “ what would you say/feel if the option of conceiving naturally was taken away completely?” And right there is your answer!
I strongly recommend joining groups such as DCN and although daunting you will meet so many other women and gather so much valuable infomation. From there I’ve been added to 2 private Facebook groups, 1 for solo mums where I then discovered the Double Donation group. It really makes you realise how common infertility and donor conception and what a taboo subject it can be. ONLY do this when you are ready to though, don’t force it but I know the more I speak to other women and research every aspect I feel anything is possible!
In the last 6 months I’ve lost count of how many people have told me how strong I am. It means so much and now I’m actually beggining to believe it! But I am not the only one you know, its amazing when you want something so bad you will do whatever it takes.
Last year I was angry and would often have awful down days when I thought why me? And why do things have to be this way but Ive come to realise my generation put so much pressure on ourselves about how we think our lives will be in relationships, careers and the milestones we should be hitting at a certain age but unfortunately that’s not always how its going to be. You’ve just got to open your mind to it. Bottom line is, I want to be a mum, I always have, I always knew I would so here’s bloody hoping!
This Monday I’m off to a clinic in Spain with my mum to have my first consultation!
I don’t really want to think about it too much as I’m anxious about how I will feel after. In my mind I want to come out of there it’s a clear plan on what I’m going to do and when. Also cringing at how much its going to cost!
For double donation, going abroad is my cheapest option but there are different laws to consider when choosing donors. They are totally anonomous to me and my child (Another bloody thing to think about when bringing up a child on your own!)
Hopefully Ill come back laden with information and will post a lot sooner.
One last thing though, I am now an Auntie for the first time! (I real one as well!)
So this post is dedicated to my new nephew Rudy Arthur ❤ Just look at those fingers! LOL