So today I’m a bit off. Not feeling great but I’m not going to say “today has been shit!” Because I opened my eyes this morning and got ready for work. Therefore I’m alive, I have a job that puts a roof over my head and a good support network around me. I am lucky and I am strong.
This morning I had a counselling assessment over the phone as I had reached out to my GP asking for some kind of therapy with dealing with my grief of potentially not having children of my own. It makes me feel sick writing that as I WILL have kids, just maybe not how I imagined however a niggling part of my brain keeps saying “but what if it doesn’t happen?” I cannot even comprehend a future without kids at this point and I think that’s why I feel like I do need some help, maybe not initially but maybe for the future, call it damage limitation if you will.
As I mentioned I have some very supportive friends and family around me, all have said the same, it’s ok to have bad days, to cry and to just do what makes you happy, eat the junk food, drink on a Tuesday afternoon! Do all the things that make you feel better. Now for some going out and getting on it could work short term and I don’t judge if that’s what makes you feel better but it’s not for me, I’m not a huge drinker anymore (I’ll get merry probably once or twice a month) but I really have to be in the mood and to be honest I’d rather just a good old dance! Plus I have to psych myself up for the mammoth 2 day hangover after!
I also don’t like to gauge on junk food, since I like to exercise I’d feel I would be undoing my hard work. Wow I sound boring! It is however 2 days before pay day, I’m well into my overdraft but I have come to my favourite place for brunch and a fresh juice, £10 I shouldn’t be spending right now but it’s the therapy I needed and while sat here typing away I’m already feeling ok with not being ok.
Look after you,
Lots of love,